#13551: I Shall Fear No Eval

-- unspoken judgment of lady selling me 48-pack of twinkies

-- clown court

-- results from “Which Osmond Brother Is Your Myers-Briggs Type” online quiz (it’s going to be Meryl, though)

#13223: Are There Any Questions?

 

-- Who wants to know?

-- Why do you ask?

-- Any poptarts left?

#13187: The Responsible Thing

-- Because I misheard her say the word “folate”

-- Left life to the last minute again

-- Codependent relationship with donuts

#13720: Dangerously Unclear on the Concept

 

-- when cousin Marshall brought his collage pieces to that MMA tourney

-- cayenne jello

-- CrocDates.com ("Date a Live Crocodile tonight!")

#91115: Didn't Make It onto the Ark

 -- breed of cat that doesn't york in your shoes

 -- cast-iron pigeons

 -- Ursus Snoozebaricus

#13001: More Not to Be Repeated Moments

 

-- seventh grade

-- gonorrhea test

-- Trivial Pursuit with Al Gore

#13540: Less-Enrolled Electives This Semester

-- Total Honesty 2B

-- Showing Up on Time Seminar

-- Non-Masturbation Practicum

#13022: Friendly Insults

-- Your ass looks like my college roommate Paul (whom I always liked).

-- I am refreshed by your unironic vapidity!

-- Nice nuclear bomb, Einstein!

#13122: There Wasn’t Supposed to Be

-- fire ants

-- this awkward ride to the airport with Denise

-- chocolate-flavored potato chips

#13501: Why They Hate My Dog

-- mispronounces his woofs

-- will kill anyone who sits on that bench

-- still pooping out legos

#61324: Other Things I Can Do with My Toes

-- applaud at poetry readings

-- pick up dropped doritos

-- make you forget your troubles for awhile

#61222: Other Things, Besides a Fish, that You Can’t Tune

-- a casserole

-- a didjeridoo

-- a Siamese cat

#61727: More Nicknames for Big Feet

-- leg hammers

-- the Grand Toetons

-- pedal-pounders

#61654: Less Controversial Judgements of Paris

-- the BBQ burger instead of the quinoa salad

-- dark blue undershorts for formal events

-- Goddess of Love over Goddess of Head-lice

#93958: More Signs That It's Time to Panic

 -- streets crowded with feral pigs
 -- hard to find good blue jeans
 -- reanimation of dead presidents and/or 50's exercise gurus becomes a thing

#61445: Not-Quite-Solved Mysteries

-- What’s under there?

-- Why do you ALWAYS fall for that gag? (heh-heh, you said “underwear”)

-- Chickens, motivations thereof.

#61728: It’s Too Hot to ____

-- live up to my potential.

-- remain a “wearer of pants.”

-- not drink some chilled booze.

#8823a: Genetic Tangents (Tangenetics?)

 -- the platypus

 -- ribonucleic acid jazz solo

 -- over-production of 3-item lists

 

#64870: Heisenberg's Less-Popular Principles

 -- his "underpants exchange" principle

 -- his "certainty that Jennifer is sleeping with that guy from Spain" principle

 -- his "the principal is your pal" principle

#76429: Triggers for My PTSD

 -- circus clowns with beards

 -- the sound of many little girls laughing somewhere down a deserted hospital hallway

 -- anytime someone says "Big Fuzzy Spider Time!"

#55132: Songs that Make Me Wince at Dances

 -- "YMCA"

 -- "Memories" (from "Cats")

 -- "C'mon! (Everybody Do the Human Centipede!)"

#64461: Things that Skitter

 -- ice cubes on a hot stove

 -- weasels with long fingernails dancing on a tile floor

 -- my sanity on occasion

#42255: Tell-Tale Signs

 -- STOP (drinking so much before work, Steve.)

 -- MERGE (with Denise. Her boyfriend is in Toronto.)

 -- YIELD (shmeeld.)

#61477: Louie, Louie (Other Countries)

 -- Luis, Luis (Peru)

 -- Kim, Kim (North Korea)

 -- Moishe, Moishe (Israel)

#42255: Tell-Tale Signs

 -- STOP (drinking so much before work, Steve.)

 -- MERGE (with Denise. Her boyfriend is in Toronto.)

 -- YIELD (shmeeld.)