#75b: THIS WEEK'S LOTTERY NOs

--Not a chance in Hell
--Will not happen
--No. We mean it.

#6080: SPARE THE ___, SPOIL THE ___

--hot fat, french fries
--caulk, basement "rumpus" room
--sinners, apocalypse

#2856: Rejected Ideas for New Disneyland Rides

(from out far-flung correspondents)

--Autopiabahn
--Pirates of Somalia
--Soarin' over Cairo

#1000: LESS COMMONLY USED POETRY METRICS

--duckdecasyllabic
--pentupangryc
--toupee

#7717: THREE MORE THINGS THAT ARE BETTER WITH A "FIESTA!"

--masturbation
--prison
--a Ford Fiesta (but not much)