#751b: TRULY SEXY COSTUMES

--Sexy Amazon Package
--Sexy Good News on My Prostate Exam
--Sexy Santiago's Breakfast Burrito

#872: OTHER REASONS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO PARK CLOSE IN

--Punctuality Deficit Disorder
--Friend of Lenny
--Bringing the Keg

#12: FAVORITE ODDLY-NAMED COCKTAILS

--Lemon Armageddon
--Hoho Yohoho (rum and hohos)
--Oompaloompatini

#5035: MYTHICAL TROPHIES (In Descending Order of EBay Sales Price)

--Mirror that correctly predicts the stock market about a fifth of the time
--Getting seduced by a duck
--Golden fleece

#6112: WAYS TO SPEND WAY TOO MUCH (Hospital Bills)

--Fly in your nurses fresh daily from Singapore
--Insist on all gold tubing
--Keep going on about how you "make a lot of money" and how you "never look that closely at your bills." Then go "WHEEEEE!"

#500: REJECTED FOLLOW-UP LINES TO "I GROW OLD, I GROW OLD..."

--I shall parrot what I'm told...
--I shall confront those kids and scold...
--I shall shop where socks are sold...

#8719: FORMS (Most Often Turned in Late)

--Mandated-by-the-court "Standard Apology to the Individual on Whose Car I Peed"
--$3 rebate on Astroglide from Muncie-Loves-Love.com
--"A.D.D. Week" subscription renewal

#12045: MORE PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS (Not Covered by Standard Relationship Insurance)

--Right knee makes clicking noise
--Inability to take anything seriously
--Spam fetish

#42007: MORE EVOLUTIONARY FAILURES

(list by RTWehling)
--Gumosaurus
--Lightning Bunnies
--Coughingbirds