#509: "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of..." (Considered by the founding fathers, but not used)

--Indoor Plumbing
--Total Funkiness
--Melanie Franklin, Ben's hot niece

#9001: Not to Be Used as a Flotation Device

--schadenfreude
--Dick Cheney
--Destructicorn

#9007: 3 More Suggestions for Constellation Names (Not Gonna Effing Happen Division)

--Hasselhoff
--That one great Mets team with all the Jews
--Dogs Playing Poker

#9002: Similarly-Themed Band Names

--The Gummi Bear Federation
--Autonomous Gummi Bears of Ohio
--GummiZexual

#9001: DISCONTINUED SAD CLOWNS (too sad)

--Sobbo
--Mr. Griefy-Pants
--Lieberman

#4500: Failed Regional Restaurant Chains (bad idea from the start)

--Oklahoma Oyster Lips
--Nagadoches Neutrina Hut
--Washington's Wettest Pizza!

#229001C: Bergman films (Never got made, for some reason...)

--Death and His Pal, Mr. Squishy
--Death in Tampa Bay
--Weekend at Bergie's

#727: Cancelled Clowns (Too "Edgy")

--Twitchy, the jacked-up clown
--Nauseo, the clown who quotes Sartre
--Clerky, the clown who fills out forms

#44441: 3 More Rhymes for Abe Vigoda

--Babe's Toyota
--maybe Yoda
--Care for any more broccoli rabe, Big Rhoda?

#446: SHOPPING MALLS OF THE DAMNED

--Brimstone Springs
--Satan’s Half-Off
--That one mall where the employees at the corn-dog place killed their boss and then served his wilson deep-fried in batter to their next boss

#67791B: More Unfortunate Names for Public High School Teachers:

--Mr. Misty
--Ms. Turbation
--Dr. Keypenis

#2571: 3 LESSER PICASSO WAR MURALS

--Bearnica (commemorating some angry bears)
--Starenica (commemorating this one time when Pablo was 10 and lost a staring contest with the annoying kid from across the street)
--SonnyandChernica (commemorating the cancellation of their hit variety show)

#3: TASTE TREATS! (poodle-based recipes)

--poodle butter and jelly
--stuffed baked poodle skins
--poodle, straight from the bone, just like Uncle Steve used to make!

#28661: FURTHER ALONG THE ROAD

--disappointment
--orgasm
--Leon

#528: SANDWICHES OF DISCORD

--corned beef and mayo
--20 years of all the crap you’ve been forced to swallow by this heartless world on a kaiser roll
--Mustard Christo

#345990: 3 More Rejected Metric Prefixes:

--Beeno
--Zeppo
--Oprah