#49852; Unsympathetic Sneeze Responses

-- “You disgust me with the noises you make and the viscosity of your bodily fluids.”

-- “I hope your nose falls off.”

-- “Bless your worst enemy, and his girlfriend Pam.”

#71024: Thanksgiving Main Dishes on Other Planets

-- roast Varrj with element J-212 stuffing (Planet Kloot)

-- a soup made from the bone marrow of unhappy welfare recipients (Dick Cheney’s space fortress)

-- methane brownies (Neptune)

 

#83877: Carry-On Personal Baggage

-- irrational fear of other people’s forearms

-- incipient results of that breakfast burrito

-- certainty that “man was not meant to fly”

#20993: Wish I Could Change

 

-- where I spend my days

-- what I spend my days doing

-- the pants of God

#51607:Chalk It All Up To…

 

-- the area’s vast deposits of calcium carbonate

-- the rough outline of the deceased

-- Leon

#41252: More Things that Come in Situationally Altered Amounts

-- Eric Baker’s dozen (15)

-- ten of Steverino (7.3)

-- 30-pack of Oreos at Costco (75)

#3400: Don’t Listen To

-- me

-- Klaus

-- that mean-looking actress in the exercise video

#39812: Scandalous, Once

 

-- masturbation

-- the Beatles

-- instant breakfast

#22717: Good to Have during a Terrestrial Squid Attack

-- feather dusters

-- aerosol can of Squid-Away

-- Liquid Paper

#25902: More Defeated Amendments

-- Amendment 802-2012: The “Let’s Just Give It All Back to the Insects” Amendment

-- Amendment 4002-2002: The “Anyone Else Have a Problem with That?” Amendment

-- Amendment 30-2013: The “I Just Want to Crawl Off Somewhere and Sob Openly about How Much I Miss My Mom’s Pot Roast” Amendment

#50718: Down by the River (One Week Earlier)

-- I shot a mannequin dressed to look like my baby.

-- I cooled my tootsies in the clean running water.

-- I picked up scattered bits of mannequin.

#37552: Yet More Discontinued Clowns (Taken Off the Market Due to Complaints from Consumer Groups)

-- Senator Scabs  (The Clown with Hygiene Problems)

-- Curdles the Clown  (The Clown with the Sour Milk Smell)

-- Bubonic Joe