#4411b: WHO DOESN'T LAFF WHEN SOMEONE SAYS "BLUE-FOOTED BOOBYS"

--Oprah
--other blue-footed boobys
--Chuck Darwin's official biographer

#2299: ALLITERATION FUN (Euphemism for Wanking)

--Tiptoeing toward the tulips
--Catching the catastrophe
--A bit of the ol' zizzerzazzerzuzz

#9210: MAGAZINES THAT ADVERTISE IN THE DSM

--Neurotic's Thrice-Weekly
--Obsessive-Compulsive's Double Shrink-Wrapped Prime Number Date News
--Depressive's Whenever

#1980: CURRENT EVENTS IN THE SQUIRREL WORLD

(list by LS,PKM,L and EM,JDF @SOBO)

--the "Filbert Affair"
--rampant obesity due to the long fall
--the long fall of Butterclaws

#5218b: DISCOUNTINUED XMAS CHARACTERS (No Longer Relevant, Post-70's)

--Noggy, the Red-Nosed Christmas Booze-Hound
--Satan
--Mr. Sniffles, the Candycane-Snorting Elf

#10007: JELLO MOLDS (Discontinued)

--Y2K Bug
--Hitler's head, but before he grew the mustache
--Any US state that's sorta shaped like a penis

#18: MULTI-SYLLABIC PET-NAMES

(list by LS,PSM,L and EM,JDF @SOBO)

--Snoochiepoochielumps
--Sweetcheeksalicious
--Senatemajoritysexmachine

#7731: WORTH CATCHING

--express bus to Salvation Island
--feeding time at Hooters
--water balloon filled with scotch

#283: FERMENTED EMOTIONS

--frustration>>>rage
--bemusement>>>poetry
--love>>>swampgas

#7232: SWING YOUR PARDNER ROUND AND ROUND...

--Do-si-do and lose that frown
--Whoopsy-daisy don't look down
--Close your pants next time, you clown

#103:ABHORRENT BUT WONDERFUL

--cheese that smells like feet
--the bulletin board in the coffee break room in David Lynch's brain
--group pictures of other people's butts

#0562: BLESS THE ___ AND THE ___

--sheets, memory-foam mattress topper
--drinks, floor-show
--teeth, bacon

#409b: REJECTED ICE-CREAM CHAIN NAMES

(list by SW, LF, HF, JDF)

--Marvin McMucus's Milkshakery
--Very Hairy Mary's Organic 'n Raw
--Mrs. Buttervein's Coronarium

#4167: GOOD, CHEAP PLACES TO HIDE

--large thrift store
--inside a good book of contemporary poetry
--underneath a mask of flirty disinterest

#12008: TASTES THAT EVOKE A STRONG MEMORY

(list created @SOBO on 11.29.10 by LS,PKM, E and LM, JDF)

--Beef jerky (stealing food from the cat bowl, as a young child)
--Wool (making out with a sheep)
--Watercolor paints (Kindergarten art class when Mrs. Karney told us not to get paint on our hands but what is she thinking because I'm left-handed, so I always had to lick my hand clean.)

#6465: RIPSTOP NYLON'S BUDDIES FROM SCHOOL

--Val Cro
--Gore Tex
--Steve the stoner

#5229: NOT FUNNIER THAN A RUBBER CHICKEN

--rubber turkey
--rubber Rumsfeld
--rubber rubella vaccine

#883b: THE NEXT 3 STEPS

--Find the Skeleton Key
--Key the Skeleton's Car
--Prank call the Skeleton's House

#20540: ON SPECIAL THIS WEEK

--egg salad
--diminished grandiosity
--waterproof underpants

#50675: 3 MORE OVERUSED PET NAMES

--I'll-kill-you
--Terrence
--Mr. Mumbles

#6751b: REJECTED FOLLOW-UP LINES FOR "My little horse must think it queer"

--For me to offer him a beer
--Whenever I stand up and cheer
--But I tuck the daisy behind my ear

#4611: OTHER THINGS PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOUSES SHOULDN'T DO

--take hostages
--cross-dress, but on the cheap
--naked jumping jacks

#877: EASY COLLEGE COURSES FOR ATHLETES (Less Popular Sports)

--Waffle-Making for Quafflers
--Muff-Buffing for Duffers
--Dancing (But in Comfortable Shoes) for Ice Dancers

#4103: MORE VENGEFUL DEITIES FROM THE SQUIRREL RELIGION

--Nutrot II
--Tcccccccccccccccchhh
--Bristletail the Unpleasant

#62: FILLING IN FOR SOMEONE ELSE

--me (for Cary Grant)
--you (for Greta Garbo)
--your mom (for Greta Garbo's mom)

#369Yeah!: TEAMS NOT IN THE PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR

--my team
--your team
--thankfully, that ratbastard Ronny's team

#751b: TRULY SEXY COSTUMES

--Sexy Amazon Package
--Sexy Good News on My Prostate Exam
--Sexy Santiago's Breakfast Burrito

#872: OTHER REASONS WHY PEOPLE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO PARK CLOSE IN

--Punctuality Deficit Disorder
--Friend of Lenny
--Bringing the Keg

#12: FAVORITE ODDLY-NAMED COCKTAILS

--Lemon Armageddon
--Hoho Yohoho (rum and hohos)
--Oompaloompatini

#5035: MYTHICAL TROPHIES (In Descending Order of EBay Sales Price)

--Mirror that correctly predicts the stock market about a fifth of the time
--Getting seduced by a duck
--Golden fleece

#6112: WAYS TO SPEND WAY TOO MUCH (Hospital Bills)

--Fly in your nurses fresh daily from Singapore
--Insist on all gold tubing
--Keep going on about how you "make a lot of money" and how you "never look that closely at your bills." Then go "WHEEEEE!"

#500: REJECTED FOLLOW-UP LINES TO "I GROW OLD, I GROW OLD..."

--I shall parrot what I'm told...
--I shall confront those kids and scold...
--I shall shop where socks are sold...

#8719: FORMS (Most Often Turned in Late)

--Mandated-by-the-court "Standard Apology to the Individual on Whose Car I Peed"
--$3 rebate on Astroglide from Muncie-Loves-Love.com
--"A.D.D. Week" subscription renewal

#12045: MORE PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS (Not Covered by Standard Relationship Insurance)

--Right knee makes clicking noise
--Inability to take anything seriously
--Spam fetish

#42007: MORE EVOLUTIONARY FAILURES

(list by RTWehling)
--Gumosaurus
--Lightning Bunnies
--Coughingbirds

#33338: CAST OF "THE HIT SHOW"

--Punchy T. Clown
--Mr. Ike
--Princess Spanky-Panky

#207b: PERFECTLY CLEAN FOREIGN EXPRESSIONS THAT SOUND (VAGUELY) LIKE DIRTY ENGLISH ONES

--Bon Appetit
--Moshi-Moshi
--Ich bin ein Krankenschwester

#12004: NAMES SUGGESTED TO BUT ULTIMATELY REJECTED BY NAPOLEON I

--Linoleum I
--The Napster
--Cat-Napoleon

#8301: "IT'S THE FEEL MOVIE OF THE YEAR!"

--Gropey's 2: Revenge of Gropey-Sue
--The Azzgrabbin Twins Go to Azerbaijan
--Fondle Rhonda: Extended Edition

#7200: DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE (Other Countries)

--Shrimp, Shrimp, Anchovy (Portugal)
--Mountain Badger, Mountain Badger, Badger Who Built His Home by the River (South Korea)
--Penguin, Penguin, Goddam Penguin (Falkland Is.)

#4009b: My Stipulations (so far)

--Salad in the dressing room
--Dressing room
--Salad dressing for the salad in the dressing room

#2390: Unused Dwarves (let go from the original cast for behavior problems)

--Flashy
--Fingers
--Brain-eatey

#569: 3 More Shapes (never caught on)

--the trisquaroclops
--anything that looks like two pandas having sex
--circle of Jeff

#41: Acceptable Public Terms for Genitals (not used very much anymore division)

--walrus tusks
--Bavarian creampuff
--the Third Musketeer's third musket

#509: "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of..." (Considered by the founding fathers, but not used)

--Indoor Plumbing
--Total Funkiness
--Melanie Franklin, Ben's hot niece

#9001: Not to Be Used as a Flotation Device

--schadenfreude
--Dick Cheney
--Destructicorn

#9007: 3 More Suggestions for Constellation Names (Not Gonna Effing Happen Division)

--Hasselhoff
--That one great Mets team with all the Jews
--Dogs Playing Poker

#9002: Similarly-Themed Band Names

--The Gummi Bear Federation
--Autonomous Gummi Bears of Ohio
--GummiZexual

#9001: DISCONTINUED SAD CLOWNS (too sad)

--Sobbo
--Mr. Griefy-Pants
--Lieberman

#4500: Failed Regional Restaurant Chains (bad idea from the start)

--Oklahoma Oyster Lips
--Nagadoches Neutrina Hut
--Washington's Wettest Pizza!

#229001C: Bergman films (Never got made, for some reason...)

--Death and His Pal, Mr. Squishy
--Death in Tampa Bay
--Weekend at Bergie's

#727: Cancelled Clowns (Too "Edgy")

--Twitchy, the jacked-up clown
--Nauseo, the clown who quotes Sartre
--Clerky, the clown who fills out forms

#44441: 3 More Rhymes for Abe Vigoda

--Babe's Toyota
--maybe Yoda
--Care for any more broccoli rabe, Big Rhoda?

#446: SHOPPING MALLS OF THE DAMNED

--Brimstone Springs
--Satan’s Half-Off
--That one mall where the employees at the corn-dog place killed their boss and then served his wilson deep-fried in batter to their next boss

#67791B: More Unfortunate Names for Public High School Teachers:

--Mr. Misty
--Ms. Turbation
--Dr. Keypenis

#2571: 3 LESSER PICASSO WAR MURALS

--Bearnica (commemorating some angry bears)
--Starenica (commemorating this one time when Pablo was 10 and lost a staring contest with the annoying kid from across the street)
--SonnyandChernica (commemorating the cancellation of their hit variety show)

#3: TASTE TREATS! (poodle-based recipes)

--poodle butter and jelly
--stuffed baked poodle skins
--poodle, straight from the bone, just like Uncle Steve used to make!

#28661: FURTHER ALONG THE ROAD

--disappointment
--orgasm
--Leon

#528: SANDWICHES OF DISCORD

--corned beef and mayo
--20 years of all the crap you’ve been forced to swallow by this heartless world on a kaiser roll
--Mustard Christo

#345990: 3 More Rejected Metric Prefixes:

--Beeno
--Zeppo
--Oprah