05 February 2024

#4338: Things that Six Did after Seven Eight Nine

--called Four Five
--ran Two Three
--One a raffle

#57149: Backup Dancers (Other Species)

-- The Loose Nuts (squirrel)
-- A Hundred Thousand Similar Looking Crustaceans (krill)
-- The Krakenettes! (the Kraken)

#49196: Tragedies (Small Enough to Be Funny)

 #49196: Tragedies (Small Enough to Be Funny)

-- too much ketchup on your road cheeseburger
-- a literary career primarily based on superfluous 3-item lists
-- Harvey Comics character, Tiny Hamlet and his wisecracking penguin, Chillenkrantz

#65675: Stupid Package Deals

-- dinner and a movie about the meat-packing industry
-- room and board of directors
-- Netflix and chill to zero degrees Kelvin

#40121: April Fools Pranks (Other Species)

— push your buddy off of a branch and then bite his nuts (squirrel)
— put up a bunch of “no mitosis allowed” signs in the break room (amoeba)
— dye the klerrrb pink and make noises like a 3-horned greep (creature from the planet Klooot)

#70821b: More SMALLER URBAN CENTER CIVIC ANTHEMS (Eastern Colorado)

--"Trinidad—Not Too Bad!” by Dave “L.” Johnson
--"Who Needs Eads? (Unh, I Do.)" by unknown
--"Two Buttes Is Enough Buttes for Me!" by Burt Bacharach

#2271: Halloween Costumes (Scary, Because It's True!)

-- Dennis's receding hairline
-- the chewy bits in a bowl of Dollar Store spumoni
-- Covid-denying Frankenstein

#404: Possible Names for the New Donkey

— Dennis
— Dennis the Tremendous
— Dennis the Tremendous Tennis Donkey from Venice

#61103: More Rejected Gameshow Premises

-- “Who Wants to Change My Pants?”
-- “Cage-Match” with Charles Nelson-Reilly
-- “Gut That Fish!”

#72561: Rarer then "When Pigs Fly"

-- "When pigs fly, but you actually know some of the pigs."
-- "When pugs fly."
-- "When pigs fly, but you actually know some of the pigs are pugs."

#30004: Let's Clear a Few Things Up

-- I was there.
-- I saw what you did.
-- It's all been a pack of lies.

#11215: Unjust Reasons for Your Poor Performance Review

-- refusal to kiss boss's pet toad, Bobo, on the lips
-- name is similar to that of Serbian porn sensation, Lennard Smoot
-- intermittent cinnamon-y flatulence

#12342: Let's All Be Grateful For

-- functional plumbing
-- all of our weirder friends
-- good-looking poets

#28290: Lesser Pandemics

— the Bernie-memepocalypse (2021)
— Halitosis ‘76!
— the Fresno Head-lice Incident

#55621: Great Pop Songs about Tofu

— Fooled Around and Fell (in Tofu)
— Sympathy for the Bean Curd
— To-To-Fuddio!

#60610: Great Catch! (Near Great)

— Waking up next to a 3-item list writer
— That time Mabel swatted a bat right out of the night air
— Grabbed the liquid paper right before it spilled on the real paper

#4356: Under-Represented Subjects in Modern Poetry

-- the enthusiastic eating of waffles
-- toenails
-- what it's like inside a hose

#47487: Random April Fools Pranks

-- replace all the xenon with argon
-- start walking like a crab
-- every number except 36 is now odd

#78880: April Fools Pranks (Difficult to Pull Off)

-- claim to have grown a third testicle
-- mathematical subversion of Dr. Kornwald's theorem
-- Ducks have taken over Earth!

#66422: Hours after Happy Hour (4-6)

-- Creeping Discontent Hour (6-8)
-- Cry like a Lonely Wino Hour (8-9)
-- Any Pants in a Storm Hour (9-)

#14802: Less Impressive Superhero Skills of Budget Protagonist, Captain Capable

— usually has tape
— able to leap
— speaks fluent turtle

#59192: More Colonoscopy Video Soundtrack Songs

-- Nice Work If You Can Get It
-- Cold as Ice
-- Touch Me in the Morning

#71122a: Less Transcendent Forms of Spirit Travel

-- GurUber
-- "on the wings of Doug!"
-- asshole projection

#6310b: More Presidential Penis Nicknames (Two Truths and a Lie)

— “Jumbo” (LBJ)
— “‘Captain’ Stanford Hogg” (FDR)
— “Jerry” (WGH)

10 July 2018

#7373: Tests for Doneness

 — voices of everyone else in the room start to sound like bees buzzing
 — ass begins to itch, legs go numb
 — toothpick stuck into soft part no longer elicits yelps of pain