#64461: Things that Skitter

 -- ice cubes on a hot stove

 -- weasels with long fingernails dancing on a tile floor

 -- my sanity on occasion

#42255: Tell-Tale Signs

 -- STOP (drinking so much before work, Steve.)

 -- MERGE (with Denise. Her boyfriend is in Toronto.)

 -- YIELD (shmeeld.)

#61477: Louie, Louie (Other Countries)

 -- Luis, Luis (Peru)

 -- Kim, Kim (North Korea)

 -- Moishe, Moishe (Israel)

#42255: Tell-Tale Signs

 -- STOP (drinking so much before work, Steve.)

 -- MERGE (with Denise. Her boyfriend is in Toronto.)

 -- YIELD (shmeeld.)

#71702: Cast Out of My Paradise

 -- soldiers in the chocolate donut army

 -- the Snooze Fairy

 -- President Chuckles

#8181 Cup Holders (Uncontested)

--Truth (The "Beauty Cup")

--Beauty (The "Truth Cup")

--Jeff (The "Whiffly Cup," Bakersfield Rec League Whiffle-Ball MVP, 1989)

#52500: Other Body Shapes Described by a Fruit or Vegetable

 -- asparagus

 -- pineapple

 -- star fruit

#19210: Whew, That Was a Middle-Distant Shave!

 -- escape from Chuck E. Cheese

 -- neighbor's angora goat

 -- taint clearing

#35573: Wet Blankets (other planets)

-- “No-klerb” Durrrrg (Plaent Kloot)

-- Sting (Arrakis)

-- Sting (Planet Hollywood)

#35572: Life of the Party! (other planets)

 

-- “Klerbish” Bleen! (Planet Kloot)

-- ol' Fumble-Nuts! (squirrel planet)

-- “Four-oh-one” Kay! (adulthood)

#35575: Unlikely Lotto Number Combinations

 

-- 1,2,3,4,6,5

-- Pi, age of oldest pet, exaggerated penis length x 10, good-looking neighbor’s address divided by 12, 40, the value of S in that equation from the movie about the science hero

-- 3, 33, 333, 3333, 6, 5

#21588: Misdemeanors against Humanity

 

-- salsa with no flavor

-- jaywalking a mile in somebody else’s shoes

-- TV shows where people try impress business executives and then whine about their experience directly to the camera

#54661a: Irregular Lengths

-- 2 1/3 Pams

-- distance between Mr. Johnson and his nemesis

-- duration of my good moods

#35574: Trends Not to Watch

-- tube socks with shorts popular again

-- increase in length and thickness of local back hair

-- naked selfies with Matlock

#9012: Check, Please!

-- whether there is a cement mixer in my blind spot

-- it before you wreck same

-- that lump on your taint

#35571: In Case of ____, Break ____

 

-- Eggos, Fast

-- Pretentiousness, Wind

-- Pushy but Good-Natured Wiseguys, Balls

#70498: Less Popular Graphers

-- fartographer

-- Quahographer

-- yomammographer

#74902: “That’s What Sheep Said!” (har-har-har…)

-- “Just tell me which direction to face.”

-- “Smells like wet wool up in here!”

-- “Bah ram you too, asshole!”

#81806: Less Popular Pinball Machine Themes

 

-- Operation Rescue!

-- The Golden Girls

-- all black

#45159: Yet More Rhymes for Spiro Agnew

 

-- Indira’s toe bag’s blue

-- Steer no nags, you!

-- Cheerio ragout

#31732: Now with Twice the Active Ingredient!

-- pro Zargballer from Planet Kloot (element J212)

-- this morning’s commute (homicidal blood-pressure surges)

-- that goddam cat (hairballs)

#51402: That's Entertainment (Other Species)

 -- Bllooozer and the Flying Zergs (creature from Planet Kloot)
 -- unnatural relations with a twinkie (Jeff)
 -- rubbing nuts (squirrel)

#84311: Stress-Free Careers

 -- 3-item list writer

 -- captive ferret

 -- grin reaper

#57671: Lesser Blues Songs

 -- Them Old Taco Bell Blues

 -- The Salmon-Colored Blues

 -- Dem Drivers Ed Blues

#37600: Employee of the Month

 -- goddam Ron again

 -- Cheeks, the new squirrel in nut sorting

 -- anyone who will sell me these cupcakes and then look away for ten minutes, no matter what noises they hear