#43090: Night School Easy A's

-- Pokemon for Grownups
-- Sleeping with the Spanish Teacher: Level 2
-- Beer Appreciation

#50921: The Shortest Distance between Two ____ Is a Straight ____

-- Wasted Evenings, -to-Video Van Damme Movie
-- Epic Hangovers, Mug of Tequila
-- Sweeney Todd Musical Numbers, Razor

#832: The Noble Squid! Symbol of…

-- handshakes/handshakery
-- winning charm
-- things that would gladly eat you given the chance and excuse to

#7: Phobias (High Pathetic Quotient)

--Autoroomiphobia: fear of going into the garage
--Askatacophobia: fear of ordering in Spanish in a Mexican restaurant
--Gloopaphobia: fear of being naked in pudding"

#444b: More You're Getting Warmer

-- flames>>>old flames
-- lunch>>>3-martini lunch
-- memories>>>memory foam

#444a: You're Getting Warmer

-- nurse>>>nursing
-- cat>>>catsuit
-- friend>>>friend with benefits

#281: Fillers

-- unused chicken parts
-- 3-item lists
-- Leon

#60162: Cartoon Characters that Irritate the Republican Members of Congress

-- Contraceptive Spongebob
-- "Frieda" Flintstone
-- Clifford, the Big Red Dog who Helps Poor Children Receive Adequate Health Care

#8411: Cable Channels You Don't Get

-- The Future Channel (Now with Stock Prices!)
-- Igneous! (Geology...after dark...)
-- What Your Neighbors Really Say About You Channel (WYNRSAY)

#800: Improvements on Nature

 -- music
 -- memory foam
 -- Mexican food

#12000: "When a U-Turn Just Won't Do"

-- X-Turn
-- W-Turn
-- Pi-Turn

#93230: Unclaimed IKEA Product Names

 -- Fnurrgsluf
 -- Cootboot (with an umlaut or two)
 -- Stimmisak

#239: A Few Remaining Bugs in the Ol' System

-- Still too easily swayed by the opinion of anyone wearing a kilt.
-- Fear of conflict.
-- Drool sometimes.

#45121: Cards for Lesser Celebrations

 -- Thanks for the Back Waxing!
 -- National Podiatry Day Greetings!
 -- Happy Birthday of the Guy who Invented Telemarketing!

#8409: Starve a ____, Feed a _____

 -- cannibal, carnivorous jungle plant
 -- nationwide economic recovery, snickering group of ultra-wealthy conservative tax-cheats
 -- cat, growing paranoia that someone is planning to kill and eat you the next time you fall asleep

#33300: Three _____ and You're Out!

-- strikes (or streaking incidents)
-- Long Island ice teas
-- taunts directed at James Bond about how stupid his ejector seat button looks

#432: Bodywork Needed

-- wax the esophagus
-- gum detailing
-- hammer out the grudges

#65600: Unhealthy Additives (Added Anyway)

-- bacon
-- single-malt butterscotch syrup
-- irony

#21821: Places the Sun Doesn't Shine

-- Marianas Trench
-- Dick Cheney's pink bedroom
-- The dark side of the moon

#51122: No Clear Memory of How It Started

-- the cargo-pants fetish
-- the precipitous decline in my sex appeal
-- the second Wayne's World movie

#71190: Reasons Why Not (No Longer Accepted)

-- "Because I love you too much."
-- "Because Jerry Springer wouldn't approve."
-- "Because it's time for my sponge-bath."

#6115: Change Your Perspective

-- Wear your watch on the other wrist.
-- Join a cult. (But one that allows booze...no reason to go overboard.)
-- Watch Peanuts specials dubbed into Korean.

#6119: Words that Have a Dog and a Cat in Them

-- Beaglepuss
-- Tigerpug
-- Leopardoodle

#80710: More Niche Talk Shows

-- "Lawnchair Philosophers"
-- "Speaking with Fake German Accents, with 'Gunther'"
-- "It's Not Always about You, Janice"

#15200: Would Rather Not

-- Line-dance at this bar mitzvah.
-- Get there on time all the time.
-- Meet the porcupine-proctologist hybrid.