#3123: Useful Underwear Enhancements

-- side air-bags
-- wifi
-- retractable roof

#23614: Cocktails Whose Names Sound Like Funny Superpowers

-- Golden Hurricane
-- Long Island Eyes Tea
-- Sloe Gin Fizz

#86753: More Good Reasons to Relocate into a Fantasy Novel

-- elvish girlfriends
-- talking giant cats
-- the donut wizards

#36921: Rest-Stops (Famous, but for the Wrong Reasons)

-- That one they blew up in that movie starring that one guy.
-- The one near the Newark airport that always smells like asparagus.
-- The Donner party.

#7802: Songs I'd Like Them to Play at My Funeral (But They Probably Won't)

-- "Already Gone" by the Eagles
-- "Morning After" (from the soundtrack of "The Poseidon Adventure")
-- "C Is for Cookie"

#41220: Planets Not Worth Exploring

 -- The Planet of No Parking
 -- anything orbiting Muzak star system
 -- Halitosis V

#61626: More Suggestions of Things to Pursue along with the Usual Life, Liberty

-- comfortable dress shoes
-- good Mexican food
-- giggle-tummy

#8470: Things besides "the Beer" That I'm Sometimes "Only Here For"

-- "the Inner Ear"
-- "the Ex-Mousketeer"
-- "the Jeer"

#20125: Religious Sects that Have More Fun

-- Rythym Methodists
-- Hide 'n Sikhs
-- Pleasbyterians

#260: Dr. Suess Place Names

-- the Zweiback Motel
-- the Jungle of Nool
-- Ma-Fotta-Ma-Potta-Fa-Pell

#61112: Vegetarian Monsters!

-- the Creature from the Black Legume!
-- Kim!
-- Tofrankenstein!

#3845: Over Time Wins

-- water over stone
-- money over common sense
-- homeboy's belly over those pants

#26109: Misheard Names of Former Soviet Satellite Republics

-- Asthma by John
-- Mulled Over
-- Who's Becky On?

#650: Words that I Know How to Say in at Least 4 Languages

-- beer
-- soup
-- Oprah

#41: Things that There Are More than 40 Of

-- minutes in an hour
-- Junior Mints in a box of 42 or more Junior Mints
-- PocketBucket Lists

#50309: Fundraisers to Avoid

-- Dick Cheney's spare organ drive
-- Chernobyl Radioactive Zombies "Fun-Run"
-- silent auction at St. Itchy's School for the Incurably Lice-Ridden

#2702b: Nolympic Sports

 -- Ice Pole-dancing
 -- The Freyathalon
 -- Grece-Roman-Russian Dressing Wrestling

#9107: Inappropriate "Tramp-stamp" Tattoo Messages

-- your AARP membership number
-- "Thanks for everything, Sister John-Marie!"
-- "Do you want fries with that?"

#6436: My ____ Is ____ (Which Is Not ___)

   -- Dentist, Present, a Present
   -- Indigestion, It's Own Voting Bloc, Democratic
   -- Date, a Reptile, a Ticket to Cuddly-Time

#15422: Protest Songs I Have Yet to Record

   -- "Stuck in Suburbia with Che Guevara's  Lawnmower"
   -- "Middle-Aged Magic Eightball"
   -- "Big Revolution (In My Pants)"

#74842: Rejected Names for the Company Softball Team

-- The Suckdogs
-- Inkblot Dan and the Dicky Shills
-- The Who's Left after the Layoffs

#56: Good Times to Masturbate

-- now
-- later
-- bus ride

#356: Tier-2 Deadly Sins

-- foot odor
-- being poor
-- hating kittens

#41166: Rental Hearse Business Names (Not Yet Taken)

-- Deadpants Delivery
-- Stiff-Lifts
-- Bring Out Yer Dad!

#81129: 3 Things that Can Kill the Mood at a Dinner Party

--politics
--religion
--the Kool-aid guy