#13122: There Wasn’t Supposed to Be

-- fire ants

-- this awkward ride to the airport with Denise

-- chocolate-flavored potato chips

#13501: Why They Hate My Dog

-- mispronounces his woofs

-- will kill anyone who sits on that bench

-- still pooping out legos

#61324: Other Things I Can Do with My Toes

-- applaud at poetry readings

-- pick up dropped doritos

-- make you forget your troubles for awhile

#61222: Other Things, Besides a Fish, that You Can’t Tune

-- a casserole

-- a didjeridoo

-- a Siamese cat

#61727: More Nicknames for Big Feet

-- leg hammers

-- the Grand Toetons

-- pedal-pounders

#61654: Less Controversial Judgements of Paris

-- the BBQ burger instead of the quinoa salad

-- dark blue undershorts for formal events

-- Goddess of Love over Goddess of Head-lice

#93958: More Signs That It's Time to Panic

 -- streets crowded with feral pigs
 -- hard to find good blue jeans
 -- reanimation of dead presidents and/or 50's exercise gurus becomes a thing

#61445: Not-Quite-Solved Mysteries

-- What’s under there?

-- Why do you ALWAYS fall for that gag? (heh-heh, you said “underwear”)

-- Chickens, motivations thereof.