#65600: Unhealthy Additives (Added Anyway)

-- bacon
-- single-malt butterscotch syrup
-- irony

#21821: Places the Sun Doesn't Shine

-- Marianas Trench
-- Dick Cheney's pink bedroom
-- The dark side of the moon

#51122: No Clear Memory of How It Started

-- the cargo-pants fetish
-- the precipitous decline in my sex appeal
-- the second Wayne's World movie

#71190: Reasons Why Not (No Longer Accepted)

-- "Because I love you too much."
-- "Because Jerry Springer wouldn't approve."
-- "Because it's time for my sponge-bath."

#6115: Change Your Perspective

-- Wear your watch on the other wrist.
-- Join a cult. (But one that allows booze...no reason to go overboard.)
-- Watch Peanuts specials dubbed into Korean.

#6119: Words that Have a Dog and a Cat in Them

-- Beaglepuss
-- Tigerpug
-- Leopardoodle

#80710: More Niche Talk Shows

-- "Lawnchair Philosophers"
-- "Speaking with Fake German Accents, with 'Gunther'"
-- "It's Not Always about You, Janice"

#15200: Would Rather Not

-- Line-dance at this bar mitzvah.
-- Get there on time all the time.
-- Meet the porcupine-proctologist hybrid.

#7887: Punk Bands from Mr. Rogers's Neighborhood

-- Trolleyspotting
-- The Not Always Polite Boys
-- Spork Faktory

#7327: Reports to Me

-- voice in head
-- colon, around bedtime
-- rice krispies