#21541b: My Mama Done Tol' Me… (also)

--Don't eat you no ho-hos.
--Don't rent you no Dutch porn.
--Don't take you no ninth wife.

#21541: My Mama Done Tol' Me…

--Don't drink you no lattes.
--Don't bet on a horse with 5 legs.
--Put that thing away.

#805b: Personal Challenges

--doing the "right" thing
--making the "right" frosting
--playing the "right" flugelhorn note

#3247: Not-Yet-Copyrighted Orgasm Catchphrases

--"Annnnd...that's ONE more silver dollar!
--"HELLO, Boise!!
--"POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN!"

#3133: Didn't Get into the School of Hard Knocks

--School of Soft Taps
--School of Fleeting but Unpleasant Smells
--School of Hard Cheese

#473: Lacking Paris, We Will Always Instead Have

--French club (junior year)
--crinkle-cut French fries
--Jacques Costeau impersonators

#1200: Cartons of Unfiltered Love

--Leon straights
--Debby longs
--Tina's cousins

#7757: Manna from Heaven (Midweek)

--good commute
--nobody kicks you in the nuts
--cherry icee

#9944:Personal Defeat as Expressed by Movie Titles

--"Give Up Hard"
--"The Man Who Wasn't Successful and Just Didn’t Care
--"Give Up Hard 2: Give Up Harder"

#7500: New Scenes Added to Wizard of Oz Director's Cut

--Dorothy voice-over during tornado
--part where tin man kills a guy
--sub-plot involving group of bumbling German tourists

#1715: Spearmint Mistakes

--Pam C., from across the street
--crème de menthe shooters
--Colgate lube

#943: The Dingoes Also Ate

--my omlette
--most of the Doritos
--my brother Dan's omlette