#68075: Prison-Related Reasons to Sell House

 -- unsightly gun-towers

 -- too close to brother-in-law

 -- won't toss our baseball back over the fence

#74487: Special Sauce (Other Species)

 -- tears of foreign orphans (Dick Cheney)

 -- acorn drool (squirrel)

 -- Miracle-Whip (televangelfetishists)

#74120: Extra Commandments (Not Used)

 -- Thou shalt not make excessive lip-smacking and other yummy noises.

 -- Honor thy offers.

 -- Quit peeing in the sink.

#2980: I'd ____ a Mile in His ____

 -- Turkey-trot, Hip-boots

 -- Cringe, Insecurities

 -- Flounce, Bloomers

#76292: Assorted Surprises after Completely Undressing

 -- third foot but no third leg

 -- tattoo of Vivian Vance on taint

 -- date isn't retching

#43121: Red Rover, Red Rover, Can ____ ____ ____

 -- Someone Find Dover?

 -- Purple Look Mauver?

 -- Big Bird Bite Grover?

#22617: ____-about Is Fair ____

 -- Tern, Waterfowlage

 -- Vern, Earnest

 -- Gern, Blanston

#11785: More Rhymes for Bjork

 -- I heart New York

 -- refork

 -- Borkity-Bork

#64020: DWI's Less Successful Cousins

 -- DWM (Driving While Miffed)

 -- DWTSA (Driving While Terrestrial Squids Attack)

 -- DWEETAC (Driving While Entertaining Erotic Thoughts about Coworker)

#19058: Specialty of the House (Other Houses)

 -- treated rat-skin jacket (Discount Suede)

 -- peaches 'n lard (Pie)

 -- bracing after dinner discussion about Stendahl (Al Gore's)

#37219: Just Glad to Be Here (Not)

 -- Presidential Debate

 -- rehearsal dinner in Shelob's lair

 -- cannibal thanksgiving

#8266: More Rejected Toothpaste Flavors

 -- McGriddles

 -- creeping dread

 -- peppermint ass

#21729: Three More Wishes for the Genie

 -- three more wishes

 -- 12-inch pianist

 -- power to make it rain jellybeans

#13614: Preparations for the Inevitible

 -- get one of those donut-shaped chair pillows

 -- SPF 5800

 -- resignation speech pre-written on back of eylelids

#60469: M-I-S-S-____-I-S-S-____!

 -- A-P-P, O

 -- U-S-W-I-L-S-O-N, L-E-E-P-I-N-G-W-I-T-H-T-H-E-G-Y-M-T-E-A-C-H-E-R

 -- U-R-P, E-R-R

#71290: Reasons Not to Invite Dave to the Orgy

 -- hung like a velociraptor

 -- not enough kleenex in the world

 -- always shows up pre-lubed

#24602: Blues (Deserved)

 -- Got the Lowdown Ineffective Senate Majority Leader Blues

 -- Done Gone Confused the Lube with the Ben-Gay Agin

 -- Another Damn Friday with Ronald

#57464: More ___ than a ____ of ____

 -- sticky, sweatlodge, Jeffs

 -- questionable, banquet, microwaved meatballs

 -- than a woman, tenor section, disco crooners

#45202: Permanent Features of Mediocracy

 -- neighbor with lawn gnome fetish

 -- tattoo of Clara Peller on ass

 -- Monument to the Unknown Monument

#31246: This Workplace ____ -Free for More than 30 Days!

 -- cigarette

 -- terrestrial-squid-attack

 -- disappointing-bowel-movement

#36131: Less-Well-Defined Protagonists

 -- Professor Somebody

 -- guy whose name is only an ampersand

 -- will of American people

#69481: Future Lost Indo-European Languages

 -- Emoticonskrit

 -- Slurry Sinatra

 -- Robo-Pig Latin

#6366: ____ Yourself before You ____

 -- Spank, Thank

 -- Goose, Unloose

 -- Squeeze, Easy-Cheeze

#52609: Shameful Colors for Other Letters

-- The Cornflower Blue Q

-- The Lime Green D

-- The Mauve W

#44672: Unclaimed Medical Marijuana Strain Names

 -- L'il Orphan Greenie

 -- Kush-me Bowl-you

 -- Spinach Kucinich