21 December 2010

#2299: ALLITERATION FUN (Euphemism for Wanking)

--Tiptoeing toward the tulips
--Catching the catastrophe
--A bit of the ol' zizzerzazzerzuzz

20 December 2010

#9210: MAGAZINES THAT ADVERTISE IN THE DSM

--Neurotic's Thrice-Weekly
--Obsessive-Compulsive's Double Shrink-Wrapped Prime Number Date News
--Depressive's Whenever

17 December 2010

#1980: CURRENT EVENTS IN THE SQUIRREL WORLD

(list by LS,PKM,L and EM,JDF @SOBO)

--the "Filbert Affair"
--rampant obesity due to the long fall
--the long fall of Butterclaws

16 December 2010

14 December 2010

#10007: JELLO MOLDS (Discontinued)

--Y2K Bug
--Hitler's head, but before he grew the mustache
--Any US state that's sorta shaped like a penis

10 December 2010

#18: MULTI-SYLLABIC PET-NAMES

(list by LS,PSM,L and EM,JDF @SOBO)

--Snoochiepoochielumps
--Sweetcheeksalicious
--Senatemajoritysexmachine

09 December 2010

#7731: WORTH CATCHING

--express bus to Salvation Island
--feeding time at Hooters
--water balloon filled with scotch

07 December 2010

06 December 2010

#7232: SWING YOUR PARDNER ROUND AND ROUND...

--Do-si-do and lose that frown
--Whoopsy-daisy don't look down
--Close your pants next time, you clown

03 December 2010

#103:ABHORRENT BUT WONDERFUL

--cheese that smells like feet
--the bulletin board in the coffee break room in David Lynch's brain
--group pictures of other people's butts

02 December 2010

#0562: BLESS THE ___ AND THE ___

--sheets, memory-foam mattress topper
--drinks, floor-show
--teeth, bacon

01 December 2010

#409b: REJECTED ICE-CREAM CHAIN NAMES

(list by SW, LF, HF, JDF)

--Marvin McMucus's Milkshakery
--Very Hairy Mary's Organic 'n Raw
--Mrs. Buttervein's Coronarium

30 November 2010

#4167: GOOD, CHEAP PLACES TO HIDE

--large thrift store
--inside a good book of contemporary poetry
--underneath a mask of flirty disinterest

#12008: TASTES THAT EVOKE A STRONG MEMORY

(list created @SOBO on 11.29.10 by LS,PKM, E and LM, JDF)

--Beef jerky (stealing food from the cat bowl, as a young child)
--Wool (making out with a sheep)
--Watercolor paints (Kindergarten art class when Mrs. Karney told us not to get paint on our hands but what is she thinking because I'm left-handed, so I always had to lick my hand clean.)

22 November 2010

#883b: THE NEXT 3 STEPS

--Find the Skeleton Key
--Key the Skeleton's Car
--Prank call the Skeleton's House

19 November 2010

16 November 2010

09 November 2010

#877: EASY COLLEGE COURSES FOR ATHLETES (Less Popular Sports)

--Waffle-Making for Quafflers
--Muff-Buffing for Duffers
--Dancing (But in Comfortable Shoes) for Ice Dancers

04 November 2010

#62: FILLING IN FOR SOMEONE ELSE

--me (for Cary Grant)
--you (for Greta Garbo)
--your mom (for Greta Garbo's mom)

29 October 2010

#751b: TRULY SEXY COSTUMES

--Sexy Amazon Package
--Sexy Good News on My Prostate Exam
--Sexy Santiago's Breakfast Burrito

18 October 2010

15 October 2010

#5035: MYTHICAL TROPHIES (In Descending Order of EBay Sales Price)

--Mirror that correctly predicts the stock market about a fifth of the time
--Getting seduced by a duck
--Golden fleece

12 October 2010

#6112: WAYS TO SPEND WAY TOO MUCH (Hospital Bills)

--Fly in your nurses fresh daily from Singapore
--Insist on all gold tubing
--Keep going on about how you "make a lot of money" and how you "never look that closely at your bills." Then go "WHEEEEE!"

08 October 2010

#500: REJECTED FOLLOW-UP LINES TO "I GROW OLD, I GROW OLD..."

--I shall parrot what I'm told...
--I shall confront those kids and scold...
--I shall shop where socks are sold...

06 October 2010

#8719: FORMS (Most Often Turned in Late)

--Mandated-by-the-court "Standard Apology to the Individual on Whose Car I Peed"
--$3 rebate on Astroglide from Muncie-Loves-Love.com
--"A.D.D. Week" subscription renewal

01 October 2010

22 September 2010

#8301: "IT'S THE FEEL MOVIE OF THE YEAR!"

--Gropey's 2: Revenge of Gropey-Sue
--The Azzgrabbin Twins Go to Azerbaijan
--Fondle Rhonda: Extended Edition

20 September 2010

#7200: DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE (Other Countries)

--Shrimp, Shrimp, Anchovy (Portugal)
--Mountain Badger, Mountain Badger, Badger Who Built His Home by the River (South Korea)
--Penguin, Penguin, Goddam Penguin (Falkland Is.)

17 September 2010

#4009b: My Stipulations (so far)

--Salad in the dressing room
--Dressing room
--Salad dressing for the salad in the dressing room

08 September 2010

#569: 3 More Shapes (never caught on)

--the trisquaroclops
--anything that looks like two pandas having sex
--circle of Jeff

16 August 2010

#9002: Similarly-Themed Band Names

--The Gummi Bear Federation
--Autonomous Gummi Bears of Ohio
--GummiZexual

05 August 2010

#229001C: Bergman films (Never got made, for some reason...)

--Death and His Pal, Mr. Squishy
--Death in Tampa Bay
--Weekend at Bergie's

#727: Cancelled Clowns (Too "Edgy")

--Twitchy, the jacked-up clown
--Nauseo, the clown who quotes Sartre
--Clerky, the clown who fills out forms

#44441: 3 More Rhymes for Abe Vigoda

--Babe's Toyota
--maybe Yoda
--Care for any more broccoli rabe, Big Rhoda?

#446: SHOPPING MALLS OF THE DAMNED

--Brimstone Springs
--Satan’s Half-Off
--That one mall where the employees at the corn-dog place killed their boss and then served his wilson deep-fried in batter to their next boss

#67791B: More Unfortunate Names for Public High School Teachers:

--Mr. Misty
--Ms. Turbation
--Dr. Keypenis

#2571: 3 LESSER PICASSO WAR MURALS

--Bearnica (commemorating some angry bears)
--Starenica (commemorating this one time when Pablo was 10 and lost a staring contest with the annoying kid from across the street)
--SonnyandChernica (commemorating the cancellation of their hit variety show)

#3: TASTE TREATS! (poodle-based recipes)

--poodle butter and jelly
--stuffed baked poodle skins
--poodle, straight from the bone, just like Uncle Steve used to make!