#31732: Now with Twice the Active Ingredient!

-- pro Zargballer from Planet Kloot (element J212)

-- this morning’s commute (homicidal blood-pressure surges)

-- that goddam cat (hairballs)

#51402: That's Entertainment (Other Species)

 -- Bllooozer and the Flying Zergs (creature from Planet Kloot)
 -- unnatural relations with a twinkie (Jeff)
 -- rubbing nuts (squirrel)

#84311: Stress-Free Careers

 -- 3-item list writer

 -- captive ferret

 -- grin reaper

#57671: Lesser Blues Songs

 -- Them Old Taco Bell Blues

 -- The Salmon-Colored Blues

 -- Dem Drivers Ed Blues

#37600: Employee of the Month

 -- goddam Ron again

 -- Cheeks, the new squirrel in nut sorting

 -- anyone who will sell me these cupcakes and then look away for ten minutes, no matter what noises they hear

#33433: More Than Coincidence??

 -- cantaloupe, can't elope

 -- Caddilac, cattle latch

 -- cardboard, crabcake

#14075: More Tourist Traps (Other Species)

 -- Giant Ball o' Nosehair (Jeff)

 -- The Great Klerrb Barrel (Creature from Planet Kloot)

 -- Hot, Sticky, Pink Hills on the Sidewalk (Ants)

#9549: Other Steely Dan Football References

 -- "Losin' it again...at Soldier Field"

 -- "Tottenham mamas, you shake it too!"

 -- "Indian-Apliss--they colts!"

#20000: A Few Items Left in the "Ol' Bag o' Tricks"

 -- shitload of loose 3-item lists

 -- disappearing head illusion

 -- "Charm Torpedo!"

#4776: NOT the Capital

 -- Arkansas City

 -- Utahpolis

 -- L'il Alaska

#55245: What Wouldn't I Do?

 -- Quit the band, right when we're taking off.
 -- Get off the airplane, right when we're taking off.
 -- Hold that purse, in this dress.

#8437b: Nerd Innuendoes

-- SQL Injection

-- Root Element

-- Pipe Delimiter

#76856: Bad Things to Get on 2-for-1 Night

 

-- an STD

-- kidney punch

-- hygiene lecture

#48124: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few…

-- the fannypack phase

-- doing it that other guy’s way

-- telling the policeman, “Your face has the right to remain silient!”

#85942: Exercises for the Over-Exercised

 -- 30-minute lay-downs

 -- 1 rep of take-a-load-offs

 -- 15 sweat-it-nots

#19047: Records Not to Set

 -- most consecutive gutterballs

 -- bushiest nosehair

 -- most squirrel bites on your wilson, two seasons running

#45970: Charting This Week

 -- chapped lips! (up 3 spots to Number 1!)

 -- ennui (this hot import from across the pond debuts at Number 2!)

 -- flatulence (still holding down the Number 3 spot...)

#94895: My Next Job Should...

 -- Be Closer to My House

 -- Be Easier to Understand

 -- Feature a Regular Open-Mike

#41798: Places People Go To in Songs Less Frequently

 -- office supply closet

 -- Swink, CO

 -- tunnel of reptiles 

#30511: Harvey Comics Characters Who Never Got Their Own Series

 -- Crusty, the Hygiene-challenged Ghost

 -- L'il Lecher

 -- Mitchell Middleclass

#69427: "That's Mr. ____ to You, Pal!"

 -- Mr. Henderson

 -- Pain-in-the-ass Good Samaritan

 -- Starting Quarterback for the St. Louis Rams

#40107: And Then I Woke Up….(More)

-- Edgar Allan Poe is washing my hair, but wait…that’s not shampoo!

-- startle response startled by more interior startle response

-- the curtain rises and the audience is made up entirely of shrieking tubers

 

#1666: Cheerful Disasters

 

-- Hurricane Peaches

-- that salmon-colored blazer Dad wore to the wedding

 -- the Hindenburp

#79576: Still More Collective Nouns

 -- a meta of collective nouns

 -- a dessert cart of poems

 -- a shooby-dooby of blue-footed boobys

#53336: What's the WIFI Password Again?

 -- w1f1

 -- th0s3G0dd4mM0nk3y5

 -- 9 (duh...)