#45202: Permanent Features of Mediocracy

 -- neighbor with lawn gnome fetish

 -- tattoo of Clara Peller on ass

 -- Monument to the Unknown Monument

#31246: This Workplace ____ -Free for More than 30 Days!

 -- cigarette

 -- terrestrial-squid-attack

 -- disappointing-bowel-movement

#36131: Less-Well-Defined Protagonists

 -- Professor Somebody

 -- guy whose name is only an ampersand

 -- will of American people

#69481: Future Lost Indo-European Languages

 -- Emoticonskrit

 -- Slurry Sinatra

 -- Robo-Pig Latin

#6366: ____ Yourself before You ____

 -- Spank, Thank

 -- Goose, Unloose

 -- Squeeze, Easy-Cheeze

#52609: Shameful Colors for Other Letters

-- The Cornflower Blue Q

-- The Lime Green D

-- The Mauve W

#44672: Unclaimed Medical Marijuana Strain Names

 -- L'il Orphan Greenie

 -- Kush-me Bowl-you

 -- Spinach Kucinich

#44683: Failed Corporate Jargon

 -- synchronize our Tele-Tubbies

 -- wang this over to HR

 -- multi-level cow milking

#44689: I ____ What I ____ and I ____ What I ____

 -- Meaned/Sayed, Sayed/Meaned

 -- Fed/Feared, Feared/Fed

 -- Groped/Needed, Kneaded/Groped

#44695: Not So Watery Graves

 -- no-booze, no-caffeine "cleanse"

 -- sarchophagus with spin cycle

 -- the tears of Dick Cheney

#44678: Yet More Disturbing Nightclub Names

 -- Testicles!

 -- Dances with Rabbis

 -- Eboland

#12616: More Imperfect Rhymes for Abe Vigoda

-- grape-ish soda

-- vape it, Rhoda

-- shaving Yoda

#44686: Less Secret Societies

 -- The Jackie-Masons

 -- The Shrineless

 -- The Loyal Order of French-fries

#44687: Cheers for Fears

 -- Yip-Yip-Yip-Icthyphobia!

 -- Rickety-Rack, Rickety-Bridge, Scared of Heights and Water, Midge!

 -- P, E, S-h-y, You Ain't Got No Alibi! You Pee-Shy! Huh? You Pee-Shy!

#44680a: Inside Every ____ Is a Tiny ____ Waiting to ____

 -- Ear, Venusian Ear Beetle, Get Approval to Build a Deck

 -- Senator, Senator, Personally Screen the New Interns

 -- Bonsai Tree, Squirrel, Steal Your Nuts

#44675: More Less Impressive Monuments

 -- Spiro Agnew Memorial Highway Rest Stop

 -- Tomb of the Unknown Swim Trunks

 -- Statue of Lethargy

#44669: Next Literary Supernatural Creature Trend

 -- Mer-Men

 -- Possesed NFL Referees

 -- Terrestrial Squids

#44691: Views into the Near to Very Near Future

 -- tiny winged bug about to fly up your nose

 -- previously suppressed flatulence becomes unsuppressed

 -- funny lists not going to "break through"

#44661: I Also Always Cry At

 -- weedings

 -- brisses

 -- Billy Jack film festivals

#44694: Banned Substances (Less Banned)

 -- strawberry poptarts

 -- distilled essence of irresponsiblity

 -- mildly hallucinogenic toad sweat

#44692: Nearer My Dog to Thee

 -- family leaves me in the car while it gets ice cream

 -- would rather go back to bed after breakfast

 -- not sure where that smell coming from

#44696: Yet More Rejected Disneyland Theme Rides

 -- Scar's Treacherous Water Slide

 -- Something about Those Mice on Ellis Island Water Slide

 -- Donald Duck Gets Gonorrhea Water Slide 

#59682: Middle-Distance Death Experiences

 -- some of my poems

 -- kissing a moose on the mouth

 -- Tamarac Square, Denver,  Decemeber 1981

#71043: Inappropriate Holiday Party Themes

 -- Bucket o' Naked Santas!

 -- "Kill the Heathen" & White-Elephant Gift Exchange

 -- Nobody Leaves Until I Find Out Who Clogged the Crapper

#44665: More Rejected Disneyland Theme Attractions

 -- Sebastian's Undersea Pleasure Grotto

 -- Goofy's Amtrak Disaster

 -- Whack-a-dwarf